I booked my six-night stay at the Regency on the Internet and questioned the bargain price for one of London’s poshest neighborhoods. However, familiar with lovely South Kensington, I decided to give it a try.

Upon checking in I explained I was a journalist and needed a quiet place to work. I was given a small, uncomfortable room. Ah ha, I thought, thus the bargain price. But I learned that there was more than aesthetics at play here. The plumbing in my room featured some sort of pump that sounded like a jet plane taking off each time the water came on. In the middle of the night I learned that my neighbors’ room enjoyed a similar convenience.

The next morning I requested a new room. The surly, apathetic desk clerk said they had no other vacancies in that price range; begrudgingly, she finally consented to give me a junior suite at a price of £80/night. But while large and beautifully appointed, even this room proved not to be such an excellent deal. Since I had a terrible cold and the weather was typical London rain, I had looked forward to eating at the hotel and retiring early. However, every night the hotel restaurant—one floor below me—was booked for private Christmas parties and closed to hotel guests. When I asked the desk clerk what I should do as I wasn't feeling well, she helpfully advised that I could go out to eat.

Upon asking this same question the next night I was informed that I could order room service or eat in the lobby. After dinner in my room I lay awake listening to the booming disco beat from the Christmas gala, feeling like I was back in the womb.

The final insult was yet to come, however. Checking out, the same clerk who had moved me to the suite informed me that my room charges would be £320 ($563) IN ADDITION to the $1000 my credit card had already been charged from the Internet booking. Our heated argument was cut short by the fact that the driver was waiting to take me to the airport—probably the only thing that saved me from being carted off by the Bobbies.

Regency Hotel
100 Queen’s Gate
South Kensington
London SW7 5AQ
44/ (0) 20 7373 7878
www.londonregency.com